I recently wondered what would make me give up the CS lifestyle. Many people have spoken about the easy nature of short term friendships where you neglect to create lasting friendships with people who aren’t on the next bus into the outback two days after you confess your biggest fears and desires to them. These short whirlwind fromances are uncomplicated and.. fun! But they don’t last which probably explains why they are so easy. Its no secret if you spend enough time with anyone than the things you might have brushed off in the beginning start to grate on you. Maybe that laugh you found endearing suddenly becomes the most irritating laugh in the world, or their lack of future planning, live for the moment attitude which in CS terms is an admirable trait but when you start to face their unreliability on a daily basis it suddenly becomes a make or break feature.
CS could have been part of the reason of my self imposed singleness over the last four years. CS filled a gap in my life and created fluidity in an uncertain circumstance. I don’t do so well with commitment or expressing emotions and therefore found it easier to avoid emotional entanglement rather than fall head first into the churning quicksand of commitment. This would also explain my long list of attraction to unattainable or uninterested men over the four years with the other side of the fence the list of men who were interested & attainable being tossed aside like a used tissue. Don’t even get me started on the countless surfers who stayed under my roof and stole my heart as they rode off into the sunset.
Well.. Can I blame CS and its support of my psychological issues for giving me an easy way out? How do I break the cycle I seem so in love with?
Maybe its broken. After creating a sexual relationship with another one of my unattainable attractions based purely on the fact that he was unattainable and easy and therefore satisfying the short term pleasure centre of my brain I seem to have somehow done exactly the opposite. I may have inadvertently fallen in love. Not only have I managed to break my four year emotional dry spell I seem to have fallen for somebody so far removed from my personality and outlook I have no idea what to expect. This is a guy who has no idea what couchsurfing is and I have yet to explain in detail why there are always random Europeans & the occasional non-European flitting about my house. Lucky or perhaps unlucky for me the more recant male surfers have either elected to keep their clothes on or have the kind of bodies that would make a Japanese Sumo wrestler jealous. Now if he had been a fly on the wall in previous years it may have been a different story.
I’ve never had to make the decision between CS & a relationship and I never ever want to have to.
There is a very good chance my involvement in CS is very likely to dwindle from the waterfall it used to be to a small trickle that stops completely during certain seasons. You know… I’m ok with that. I’ve had my glory days in both surfing and hosting, in fact I’ve probably had about 20 peoples share of the glory days. I’ve met some unreal people that will forever be a part of my life and I’ve had some adventures that will be told for years and years to come. I’m not giving up I’m just changing the way I approach the CS world. So I guess the answer to my original question – what could make me give up couchsurfing?
Nothing. Its ALWAYS going to be a part of my life.