Recap: Oh look its Amanda! She's back!

You know what I have been single for nearly two years now and I just can't fathom getting trapped in a relationship again. I lost who I was, why do anything when my boyfriend was always doing it for me?

And then when I dropped him off at the airport as we departed for the last time and he flew back to Australia I had to drive in a Blizzard, on the right side of the road through a major city and fuck me.. that was hard.

Now?

I drove across USA by myself including some of the most difficult freeways coming from outback Australia TERRIFYING. I fixed any minor things on the car by myself. I drove in New York City in the middle of rush hour & survived. I pushed myself to be a better snowboarder finally taking on a double black something I thought I would never be able to do!

I fine tuned my 4WD skills and snake catching ability.

I opened up and suddenly made friends all over the world. I drink beer now. I eat every kind of seafood under the sun. I drank snake liquor.

I went camping in the middle of bear country, ALONE because I wasn't going to rely on anyone. (granted I slept in the back of my jeep because I was scared of the bears and very stoned & paranoid.)

I crossed the mexican border and drove through mexico to a campsite full of people Id never met before on a beach where I met some of the most amazing people.

I caught my own fish, baited my hooks, unhooked them and then gutted them WITHOUT GLOVES. Every painful cut and graze reminds me of this accomplishment.

I lived.

How could I even go back to the life I had? I've rediscovered myself. I'm so scared if I end up back in a relationship once again I will fade away. I like the freedom of knowing one day I can pack up my stuff and just leave.